Embracing Sexual Purity in a Sex-saturated World.

I am an advocate of sexual purity which means I believe in saving sex for marriage. I stand for sexual purity because I know that my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and I am not my own (1 Cor 6:16-20).

We live in a world where sex outside the confines of marriage is now the norm and where people consider those that stand for sexual purity as the odd one. The media pushes sexually explicit materials day and night and a lot of people are being desensitized. A lot of people sadly, including some Christian girls no longer see reasons why they should save sex for marriage. And those that have made the decision to save sex for marriage find themselves struggling with sexual sins like pornography and masturbation. So, you may ask is there a way out?

As a girl who has made the decision to follow Jesus, you have to come to terms with God’s design for sex. Sex is not evil because it was made by God to be enjoyed in marriage. This means if you decide to do things God’s way, you would be blessed by him. The enemy always does everything in his power to destroy the things God designs and that is why he pushes the message of sexual immorality to you every now and then.

You must understand that you are in a fight between choosing God’s best for you (which resultant effect is life) and choosing the devil’s best for you (which resultant effect is death). This battle just like every other battle against the flesh cannot be won without a strategy. Below are strategies you can implement to help you walk in sexual purity:

1. Recognize that sexual purity is God’s will for you

“God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor— not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways.” _1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 NLT

Knowing that sexual purity is God’s will for you will help strengthen your resolve to ensure that you do his will. It will also give you a reason why you should stand for sexual purity.

2. Feed your spirit man more than you feed your flesh

“Don’t be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he’ll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God’s Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.” _Galatians 6:7-8 MSG

There is a saying garbage in garbage out. You get from your Spirit man whatever you feed it with. If you feed more on God’s word and godly content on social media than you do on the junk the world offers, the fruit produced by your life will show for it. This is why it key for you to devote yourself to the study of God’s word and to prayer because it is from his presence you receive strength to overcome temptation.

Temptation will come your way because you are human but you will overcome it when your spirit man is strengthened more than your flesh. So the question is, how dedicated are you to feeding your spirit man?

“How can a young man stay pure? Only by living in the word of God and walking in its truth. “_Psalms 119:9 TPT

“What I say is this: let the Spirit direct your lives, and you will not satisfy the desires of the human nature.”_ Galatians 5:16 GNT

3. Stay away from sexually explicit materials

There was a season in my life when I had to stay away from movies (not because movies are bad in themselves) but because the movies I had access to at that time weren’t helping me think according to Philippians 4:8.

“In conclusion, my friends, fill your minds with those things that are good and that deserve praise: things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and honorable.” _Philippians 4:8 GNT

Staying away from movies was a very intentional decision I had to make if I was going to think godly thoughts. Sexual immorality does not start in a day. It starts from the things you expose yourself to and the thoughts you allow yourself to ponder on.

“You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. _Matthew 5:27-28 NLT

In Matthew 5:27-28, the Lord Jesus Christ pointed out the fact that if you as much as allow a lustful thought in your heart you are as guilty of the sin of adultery as someone who did the physical act. This points out the fact that your thought is linked to your action. And that is why you must guard your heart and ensure that your thoughts are pure.

“Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.” _James 1:14-15 NLT

Your eyes and ears are gates to your heart and from your heart springs forth your thoughts, the more reason why you have to ensure that the books you read, the music you listen to and the movies you see are not promoting things that are contrary to God’s will for you.

Make whatever decision you have to make to ensure that you only feed on godly content. Replace your romance novels with Christian novels. My all time favorites are the ones written by Francine Rivers, Karen Kingsbury and Lori Wick. There is always a godly substitute for the materials you feed on if you are willing to make the change.

Remember, that you become a slave to whatever you give yourself to; either to God or to the devil. The choice is yours.

“Don’t you realize that grace frees you to choose your own master? But choose carefully, for you surrender yourself to become a servant—bound to the one you choose to obey. If you choose to love sin, it will become your master, and it will own you and reward you with death. But if you choose to love and obey God, he will lead you into perfect righteousness.” _Romans 6:16 TPT

4. Set boundaries for yourself

Are you a wall (a woman with godly standards) or a door (a woman without standards) (SOS 8:8-10)? What guides your clothing choice, your choice of friends, the way you comport yourself, the way you relate and engage in conversation with the opposite sex, your choice of words, the kind of physical touch you receive or reject from members of the opposite sex, the kind of friends you keep etc.

All these are important if you will walk in sexual purity. Is your choice of clothing modest ( that is not too short, not too tight and not too revealing) as 1 Timothy 2:9 says? Are your words seasoned with salt and grace and hope you do not have a flattering lips like the woman in Proverbs 7? Do you have standards for where you should go and where you shouldn’t go, and for how late you should stay out? Are your friends Daughters of Zion or strange women that would encourage your downfall (Gen 34:1)?

I will encourage you not to take chances. Set boundaries for yourself because within boundaries there is safety. If you need help setting boundaries for yourself you can ask any godly older woman in your life to help you put some in place and when she does, please follow through with them. You will also find my article on Lady Wisdom and Madame Whore helpful.

“Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.” _1 Timothy 4:12 NLT

5. Have a godly woman you are accountable to

Do not walk the road of sexual purity alone. Have a godly woman in your life who can checkup on you from time to time and who can ask you intentional question about that aspect of your life. She must be a woman you trust and you are free to have honest conversations with. This woman can be your mum if you have an open relationship with your mum or a trusted godly woman from Church or your mentor if your mentor is a female and one who lives by God’s precept.

Dear friend, I pray that you will be strengthened to flee sexual immorality and present your body to God as a living sacrifice. I pray that every bondage of sin in your life is broken. I pray that you are empowered to walk in the Spirit daily and you do not satisfy the desires of the flesh. I pray for a separation between you and every ungodly friend and I pray that the gate of your life is opened to godly people who will spur you on in obedient walk with God. I pray that God cleanse your heart and your conscience with the blood of his Son and grant you the grace to walk in the freedom by which he has made you free. In Jesus name. Amen.

• What are your views about sex outside the confines of marriage?
• What boundaries have you put in place to help you walk in sexual purity?
I would love to hear from you.

Are You Playing the Comparison Game?

I have an elder sister who I love deeply and who my physical resemblance with is undeniable. The only thing is that although we look so much a like physically, we are totally different. I am an introvert while she is an extrovert and this influences the way we do our things. I grew up wishing to be more like her because everyone seem to love and appreciate her personality. I have even heard my parents say they wish I can be more like her. The truth is, God did not design me to be like anyone else. He made everyone of us as unique individuals. And whenever we compare ourselves with others we are directly saying that we are not pleased with who we are.

“Oh, don’t worry; we wouldn’t dare say that we are as wonderful as these other men who tell you how important they are! But they are only comparing themselves with each other, using themselves as the standard of measurement. How ignorant!” _2 Corinthians 10:12 NLT

It is unwise for you to compare yourself with anyone. God (expressed in the image of Christ) is our perfect example and standard and not anyone else. Nobody can tell you who you ought to be but God Himself. And God has given you everything you need to be all He created you to be.

“The sun has its own beauty, the moon another beauty, and the stars a different beauty; and even among stars there are different kinds of beauty.” _1 Corinthians 15:41 GNT

As the sun, the moon and the stars are unique in their glory and the expression of their beauty, is the same way God created us as unique individuals. We begin to shine in our uniqueness when we accept who God made us to be. Below are things you can do to keep yourself from playing the comparison game:

1. Soak yourself in the reality of God’s love for you

At the root of every comparison issue is a poor understanding of God’s love. When you understand that God made you, loves you and accepts you, it changes a lot of things for you. The moment the reality of God’s love dawned on me, I no longer seek approval from people and neither do I compare myself with anyone. Search out scriptures that reminds you of God’s love and meditate on it until it’s truth fills you up.

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.” _Psalms 139:13-14 NLT

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.” _Ephesians 1:3-6 NKJV

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you [and approved of you as My chosen instrument], And before you were born I consecrated you [to Myself as My own]; I have appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” _Jeremiah 1:5 AMP

2. Celebrate your uniqueness

God gave everyone of us gifts and strength that makes us unique. And the more you concentrate on your strength and use your gifts, the more you will begin to see yourself in a positive light. Whenever we choose to use the gifts God has given us, we grow and God blesses those gifts. Find out what you excel at and concentrate on doing that more. Do not belittle the gifts God has given you. You wish to be like someone else because that person is using his or her gifts. You will begin to shine in your own unique way when you begin to use your gifts. So, If you enjoy singing, do it well. If you enjoy writing, do more of that. If you enjoy sewing or making crafts give your time and resources to it. Find your niche and grow from there! Trade with your talents and don’t bury them.

“For it is just like a man who was about to take a journey, and he called his servants together and entrusted them with his possessions. To one he gave five talents, to another, two, and to another, one, each according to his own ability; and then he went on his journey. The one who had received the five talents went at once and traded with them, and he [made a profit and] gained five more. Likewise the one who had two [made a profit and] gained two more. But the one who had received the one went and dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money.”_ Matthew 25:14-18 AMP

3. Work on your weakness(es)

No human is perfect. We all have at least a weakness we are not proud of. The good news is that, God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness. So, seek to identify what your weakness is and work to be better. For example, if your weakness is that you tend to be a little sloppy, work on that. Do the practical things the Holy Spirit will reveal to you( in God’s word) to do in order for you to be better. Read books that addresses your weakness and apply the principles you learn from them. Working on your weaknesses will help you to stop freting over them but to search for ways to be better. It will also help you to stop viewing yourself in the light of your weakness but in the light of the progress you’ve made. There is room for improvement and you can be better.

4. Live a life you love

Life is a gift and it is God’s desire for you to live a rich and satisfying life. So, if currently there are things that you are not pleased with and you know you can do something to change the situation, please do. Give your best to the life God has given you. Work on your dreams. Grow where God has placed you. The people you wish to be like are giving themselves to the life they have. So, decide to make the changes you can make and decide to make the best of the situations you cannot change. Live a life you would be proud of. Appreciate the gift of your life and think the best of yourself. In Chrystal Evans Hurst words “Life is not a dress rehearsal. You only get one shot at it. Use it well.”

A Servant Heart.

“She equips herself with strength [spiritual, mental, and physical fitness for her God-given task] And makes her arms strong.”_Proverbs 31:17 AMP “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” _Proverbs 31:25 NLT

Like most young girls, my journey to becoming industrious and domesticated has not been smooth. I was in my mid teen years before the importance of being domesticated really began to dawn on me. I have always being the kind of girl who enjoys reading and taking naps. I help out at home but not always with the right attitude. Some days, I give myself the excuse of being a low energy kind of person and I choose not to do my chores (at least not when my mum needs me to get them done). Pathetic right?… I know, but over the years I have made so much progress and I want to help as many young girls that are like me to do same.

“For even the Son of Man did not come expecting to be served by everyone, but to serve everyone, and to give his life in exchange for the salvation of many.” _Matthew 20:28 TPT

The above scripture is one scripture that changed my life forever. It exposed the nature of my natural selfish heart to me compared to that which God wants me to possess. It brought me to the place of prayer, propelled me to search out women of the Bible that served like Jesus did and finally motivated me to serve.
An example of a woman that lived a life of service is the Proverbs 31 Woman. Listen, before you roll your eyes and tell me she is a married woman and you are not, remember King Lemuel’s mum wrote to him in Proverbs 31, instructing him on qualities to look for in a potential bride. So, the passage is relevant to you as a young woman. A servant Heart is something every God girl should seek to cultivate because the Christian life is one of selfless service to others. Serving is sometimes called help or ministering. It is the basic ability to help other people. Being a servant is a sign of Christian maturity. It is the true mark of Christ (Phil 2:7), who served to the point of death (Matthew 20:28).

The Proverbs 31 woman is mentally tough and she is physically strong. In Proverbs 31:17 you get to see her attitude (her mental toughness) and her work (her physical strength). Service most times involves physical work and without mental toughness you will never get around to doing the actual physical work. Below are some of the qualities you need to improve your mental attitude towards work:

1. Commitment: “All hard work brings a profit.” (Prov 14:23). Make a commitment to be a hard worker and to always be active doing something. “She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” _Proverbs 31:27 NIV. Refuse to be idle. Esteem others better than yourself and commit yourself to service (Phil 2:3).

2. Willingness: You can have a heart commitment to do the work, but you must also be willing to actually do it. Talk is good but action is better. Resolve to be a willing worker and to work joyfully.
“Do everything without complaining or arguing,” _Philippians 2:14 GNT
“Whatever you do [whatever your task may be], work from the soul [that is, put in your very best effort], as [something done] for the Lord and not for men,” _Colossians 3:23 AMP
“She looks for wool and flax And works with willing hands in delight.”_ Proverbs 31:13 AMP

3. Motivation: Motivation is the “why” of everything you do. It gives you strength of mind as you tackle your work. My attitude towards my duty at home changed when I truly understood the “why” behind what I do. My tasks ceases to be mundane or meaningless because now I know my action and attitude contribute to the state of my home (both the people and the place) either positively or negatively. I know my actions or inaction either builds up my home or pulls it down (Proverbs 14:1). Now, even on days when I am tired and the last thing I want to do is to serve, I remember my “Why” and I do the needful.
Think about the impact you will have on others(Including your family members) as you express Christ’s love to them through your willing service.

“Love for others is grown and lived out as you serve and care for them.” _Elizabeth George

4. Discipline: It helps you to make right choices, spend your time and energy wisely and not give in to laziness, procrastination and disorganization. Discipline helps you to do what you know you should do. The Holy Spirit produces self-control in you which helps you to be disciplined. Pray for the grace to exercise self-control daily.

Beyond the qualities above, there are certain things I want you to take note of as you continue on your journey to becoming a woman with a servant heart.
• Pray for those you serve and for yourself. Pray specifically about your attitude toward your chores. God will change your heart. He will give you a heart of love. God is the key to love and energy and the more you depend on Him, the more He will help you. So, Pray!

• Use scripture for pep talk. Memorize scriptures that encourage you to be joyous in your work. Proverbs 6:6-8 is my go-to scripture for overcoming the feeling of being lazy and tired. It motivates me every time I recite it to myself and brings it’s truth to bear. Search for a scripture that will do same for you.

• Do your work “as to the Lord.” God is your Boss and He will reward you.

• Plan to do good, to serve, to help others and assist them whenever the opportunity present itself. Live to love others, to do them good at every opportunity, to make people’s lives easier and better. Be like Jesus who goes about doing good( Acts 10:38).
“God planned for us to do good things and to live as he has always wanted us to live. This is why he sent Christ to make us what we are.” _Ephesians 2:10 CEV

• Learn all you can now about home making. You are not too young to start learning. Learn from your mom or any older woman in your life. Read books. Doing this will help you to be light years ahead in possessing the how-to knowledge you will need to take care of your future home and the people who will live there.

A Little Place by Meade McGuire

“Where shall I work today, dearLord?”

And my love flowed warm and free. He answered and said,
“See that little place? Tend that placefor Me.”
I answered and said, “Oh no, not there!
No one would ever see.
No matter how well my work was done,
Not that place for me!”
His voice, when He spoke, was soft and kind,
He answered me tenderly:
“Little one, search that heart of thine.
Are you working for them or ME?
Nazareth was a little place…
so was Galilee.”

Let’s Chat:
1. What is your favourite chore and least favorite chore to do? What will you do to change your attitude toward your least favorite chore?
2. Do you often find yourself giving orders to people or serving them? What are the changes you will make to be more willing to serve?

3. In what ways will you serve your people this week?

I would love to hear from you.

Girl Drama: How to Avoid and Handle it.

In my tween years and early teenage years I experienced a lot of girl drama issues that lead to me breaking down emotionally. Some days I found it hard to concentrate in class and other days I dread seeing the girls involved in the “drama”. The good news is that over the years I’ve learned how to handle issues in my friendships.

Girl drama occurs everywhere the female folks are. It basically occurs when there is a misunderstanding between you and your girlfriends and it seems impossible for you to resolve your differences. The truth is that no two persons are the same and misunderstanding in our friendships cannot be avoided but how you handle it as a god girl is what matters. You either choose love, forgiveness, truth and peace or You choose hatred, unforgiveness, gossip, lies and bitterness. The choice is yours. You cannot determine how others act or react but you can choose how you act. So, without further ado below are tips on how you can avoid and handle girl drama.

1. Avoid gossip

Gossip most times does not look like it and sometimes it can seem interesting and inviting but the end result is bitter and painful. Learn to excuse yourself from the company of those that gossip. Better still, make sure your closest friends know you do not support gossip. Avoid aimless chatting or texting on phone. Make sure you do not discuss other peoples issue. if you have an issue with an individual, tell him or her yourself and if you cannot, pray for the person “alone”. Mind my choice of words. I said “alone”. Pray for the person alone and not in the company of someone else. Praying about an individual’s issue with a friend without the permission of the person with the issue can still be called gossip. Be wise and stay away from gossip.

“He who goes about as a gossip reveals secrets; Therefore do not associate with a gossip [who talks freely or flatters].”
_ Proverbs 20:19 AMP

2. Choose to forgive

No two individuals are the same which means there would be reasons for you to be offended by a person’s words or actions. Your choice to forgive is what you do for yourself and not necessarily because of the offender. Forgiveness liberates you. Do whatever it takes to let go of the hurt. Remember, a line in the Lord’s prayer says “forgive us this day as we forgive those who trespass against us”. This means God would only forgive you your sins when you forgive those that have wronged you. Pray and cry it out if need be, just ensure you do whatever it takes for you to choose forgiveness.

“Forgive us the wrongs we have done as we ourselves release forgiveness to those who have wronged us.” _Matthew 6:12 TPT

3. Choose Peace

Some people enjoy drama because they do not like peace. God girls like you are called to be peace makers and we live by a different rule.

“Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody.”
_Romans 12:18 GNT

It’s true that some people can be difficult to live with and relate to but you can choose to be the mature one who chooses peace. This sets you apart as a child of God.

“Blessed [inwardly peaceful, spiritually secure, worthy of respect] are the gentle [the kind-hearted, the sweet-spirited, the self-controlled], for they will inherit the earth. “Blessed [spiritually calm with life-joy in God’s favor] are the makers and maintainers of peace, for they will [express His character and] be called the sons of God.
Matthew 5:5,9 AMP

Choosing to live in peace does not mean you are stupid but rather that you trust God to vindicate you whenever you are wronged.

“Don’t ever say, “I’m going to get even with them if it’s the last thing I do!” Wrap God’s grace around your heart and he will be the one to vindicate you.” _Proverbs 20:22 TPT

4. Choose to stay away from toxic relationships

This is very key because some of the friendships that involve “drama” are not necessarily godly. Ask yourself certain questions like: does this girl share the same value as I? Does she encourage me in my walk with Jesus? Does she add value to me? If your answer is no to any of these questions I think you have to reevaluate your friendship with the person in question. Friendship is a choice and you have to make a wise one. Do not choose a friend because of her popularity in school, her socioeconomic status or her physical beauty but because of her love for Jesus and her love for you. Not everyone should be in your inner circle. Any friend who constantly tears you down with her words or actions is not worth it. Learn to set clear boundaries and stay away from toxic friendships.

I would love to hear from you. Have you ever been involved in a girl drama? If yes, how did you handle it?

Who do you say you are?

“When Jesus came into the region of Caesarea Philippi, He asked His disciples, saying, “Who do men say that I, the Son of Man, am?” So they said, “Some say John the Baptist, some Elijah, and others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.” He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” Simon Peter answered and said, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” Jesus answered and said to him, “Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah, for flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but My Father who is in heaven.”Matthew 16:13-17 NKJV

The question Jesus asked in the scripture above has to do with his identity. Although Jesus knows who he is, he wanted to be sure his disciples did too. The question of identity is a question every man will have to ask at a point in time. The same way Peter got to know Jesus’ real identity from the Father (God) is the same way any man searching for his identity will only find it in God. God is our creator and only the creator can disclose the identity and abilities of his handiwork.

” Yet, O Lord , You are our Father; We are the clay, and You our Potter, And we all are the work of Your hand.”
Isaiah 64:8 AMP

“For we are His workmanship [His own master work, a work of art], created in Christ Jesus [reborn from above—spiritually transformed, renewed, ready to be used] for good works, which God prepared [for us] beforehand [taking paths which He set], so that we would walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us].”
Ephesians 2:10 AMP

If you base your identity on what people think of you, what they say about you, how they treat you, the number on the weight scale, the season of life you are in, the roles you play, your accomplishments, money, success, education, career etc. you will live a pitiable life because all of these is subject to change. Jesus knew who he is and what people thought of him didn’t change who he is. Who are you? Who do you think you are? The truth is you cannot answer this question on your own. You have to seek for the answer in God’s word.

“But you are God’s chosen treasure—priests who are kings, a spiritual “nation” set apart as God’s devoted ones. He called you out of darkness to experience his marvelous light, and now he claims you as his very own. He did this so that you would broadcast his glorious wonders throughout the world . For at one time you were not God’s people, but now you are. At one time you knew nothing of God’s mercy, because you hadn’t received it yet, but now you are drenched with it!”
1 Peter 2:9-10 TPT

Based on God’s word, everyone that believes in Jesus as Lord has a new identity has revealed above in 1 Peter 2:9-10.

1. You are chosen. It doesn’t matter who rejects you because God already chose you.

2. You are royalty; the King’s daughter.

3. You belong to the family of God.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved. In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace
Ephesians 1:3-7 NKJV”

4. You are Blessed.

5. You are Loved. The reality of God’s love will serve as an anchor for you during stormy nights. God’s love never fails. It’s unconditional. It’s not a function of what you do or don’t do (Jer 31:3).

6. You are Accepted in the Beloved(Jesus).

7. You are Redeemed and Forgiven. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done or what you failed to do, in Christ you are forgiven.

8. You are beautiful.

“You formed my innermost being, shaping my delicate inside and my intricate outside, and wove them all together in my mother’s womb. I thank you, God, for making me so mysteriously complex! Everything you do is marvelously breathtaking. It simply amazes me to think about it! How thoroughly you know me, Lord!”
Psalms 139:13-14 TPT

9. You are Complete

“And our own completeness is now found in him. We are completely filled with God as Christ’s fullness overflows within us. He is the Head of every kingdom and authority in the universe!”
Colossians 2:10 TPT

10. You are Child. You are not an orphan and neither are you a slave. You dear one are God’s Child (Gal 4:7, 2 Cor 6:18, John 1:12)

The truth is the devil and circumstances will want you to doubt your identity in Christ but you can make the choice not too. Memorize has many scripture as you can that tells you who you are in Christ Jesus and live by its truth. There are days you wouldn’t feel like living in the truth of your identity in Christ but you can make the choice to do so by faith. It isn’t really about how you feel but about what is true. You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free. I hope the next time your identity is questioned you wouldn’t hesitate to say “I am God’s Beloved Child.”

Have you ever struggled with low self-esteem or your identity in general? How did you deal with it?

I would love to hear from you.

The Paradox called Change.

“See you later, Dora” Liz smiled as she waved her best friend goodbye. They had both grown up in Detroit together. They shared special memories – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Liz remembered the day they gave their lives to Christ. They attended a church that was on the same street they lived. During Sunday school that day, Miss Smith had explained to the children the reason why they congregated every week. They had heard it before, but their hearts saw the light of that message that day. Both decided to live for God and help each other in their journey to Him. They prayed together and for each other, studied the Scripture together, read Spirit-inspired books, and corrected each other in love.

“Thank You, God, for giving me Dora. We’ll be together forever”. As she passed the shops that were lined across her street, Liz waved, smiled and called out as she greeted people that had characterized her life since she was little. This was Detroit. It was her home. She was quite comfortable here. She couldn’t think of anywhere else she’d rather spend the rest of her days. Her life started in Detroit, and in Detroit will it end.

Liz sat to enjoy dinner with her family. She loved them with every fiber of her being. They were not just related to her by blood; her Dad, Mum and little brother were her friends. Dinnertime for the Richards was not only for eating; it was catch-up time. They discussed everything – memories, the day’s activities and future plans. Her little brother prayed over the meal and they dug in. Then, her father announced?: ‘I got a promotion today. Chief Financial Officer, Barney and Sons’. Liz almost choked on her food as she let out an excited scream, ‘Congratulations, Daddy!’ ‘Thank you, Sweetheart. The head office is in New York. That means we have to move out of Detroit to New York. I know change can be scary, but I don’t want you to be afraid, children. We’ll be alright’

Liz was taken aback. Move out of Detroit? Leave everything and everyone they know and love behind? Fear gripped Liz’s heart. What will a new environment hold for her?

One way or the other, we have all been where Liz was. Change is a regular part of our lives. In a few words, to change means to make something different. It means to alter or replace the subject matter with another. The interesting thing about change is that while it conceptualizes variation and evolution, itself remains constant. Change will never change. That is the paradox.

Many changes take place in our lives on a regular basis. For example, as we grow older, our bodies are altered as puberty sets in. Our formerly skinny bodies begin to round out around the hips, genital hair starts to grow and the cycle of menstruation begins. Change also occurs as we climb the tiers of education. We change classes and schools as we move from primary to secondary and then tertiary institutions. After that, we make the transition from dependent children to independent adults. Our marriage, ministry or job might require we move from one town, state or country to another. People around us change as time passes by. We evolve to become newer versions of ourselves. Change is inevitable.

Typically, the human soul does not easily relinquish what he has been familiar with. This is why, except he has an assurance that the new is much more better than the old, intense emotional turmoil comes with the idea of change. These emotions could move the heart from the equilibrium of peace that it ought to have in God.

The most common feeling associated with change is anxiety. Since it is an entirely new environment, the uncertainty and endless possibilities often causes worry in the heart. This worry can breed fear and unbelief, and these are some of the enemy’s most lethal weapons against the believer. Worry, fear and doubt often makes one hesitate in taking steps of obedience to God.

On the other hand, the prospect of newness could cause excitement. This is good, as it often provides the energy to forge ahead and face whatever challenge comes our way. However, extreme excitement can cause one to hastily take steps without seeking God’s face. This is also dangerous, because our safety is in following God’s will. Excitement could make one hasty and rush ahead of God’s timing.

So I’m a young teenage girl who has her whole life ahead of her – important decisions to be made concerning career, marriage, ministry, etc. How do I handle the pressure that comes with change?

1. Calm down and trust God:
The heart must first be brought to a place of assurance and rest in God’s faithfulness. When faced with anxiety, we must be able to tell our souls to ‘hope in God, for He is the health of my countenance and my God’ (Ps. 43:5). The writer of Proverbs admonishes the youth to ‘trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all your ways, and He shall direct your paths’ (Proverbs 3:5-6). Our first action point should be to take our worries, fears, doubts or excitement to the Lord in prayer. We should also rest on His promises as revealed by His Word. He is too faithful to lie, and He has said He will never leave nor forsake us (Joshua 1:5, Hebrews 13:5). In the book of Isaiah 41:10, 13, He says
“10 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’
13 For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you”
One of my favorite Psalms is Psalm 46. I particularly love the fifth verse;
“God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early (on time)”
I love how Mary, the mother of our Lord, answered the angel Gabriel when he came to her with the news that will radically change her life (and the whole of humanity). Her response ‘Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word’ came from a heart that has yielded completely in trust of her Lord. This should be the posture of our hearts, as ladies whose lives are dedicated to pleasing our heavenly Father and Lord.
Trust God, Sis. He loves you too much to leave you, and His thoughts towards you are only good, and not evil (Jeremiah 29:11)

2. Acquire as much information as possible:
We live in the jet age where information is at our fingertips – our phones through search engines and the Internet can bring answers to our questions in seconds. Find out as much about the new environment/development as you can. Read books, watch videos, meet people who have been through the same experience or situation that is confronting you. Talk to your Mum (or any other older, godly and trustworthy female) about the hormonal changes. Be aware of the challenges at that new position and how to tackle them. Read about the new area where your family will be moving to. Read and listen to godly books and messages on marriage and relationship. Oftentimes, trepidation is as a result of lack of information

Proverbs 11:14 Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.
24:6 For by wise counsel you will wage your own war, And in a multitude of counselors there is safety.
Let me add that we should allow Wisdom to guide us even as we seek to be informed. Foolish counsel will bring one to destruction. Every information/counsel should be weighed and compared with God’s Word as the standard.

3.Take your time to plan the move:
A popular adage states that ‘if you fail to plan, you plan to fail’. We should make proper use of the information/counsel received to plan and prepare adequately for the next phase.
Luke 14:28 ‘For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost…’
If the situation that brought about the change was a sudden, tragic occurrence (e.g. the death of a loved one or termination of work appointment), take your time to grieve and recuperate. Let the Lord comfort your heart and fill you with His peace.

4. Execute the plan: step out in faith
As mentioned earlier, what makes us dread change is the uncertainty that is associated with it. Nevertheless, we ought to give life our best shot, even if we don’t know for sure what the outcome will be. The new environment might be better suited for you than what you currently know, but you’ll never know if you don’t take action.

The process of change is quite scary, but it doesn’t have to be so, because we have a Father who deeply loves us and wants the best for us.

Have you ever had a transitory experience? What was it like? Do you think you’re better or worse off because of the change?

About the Author:

Ojo Oluwatoyosi is a certified microbiologist and budding content developer whose life ambition is to please God, see His Kingdom and righteousness expressed in and around her. She never gets tired of writing, reading and listening to good music. You can connect with her on the following platforms:

Facebook: Ojo Toyosi
Twitter: @hephzi_yosi
Instagram: misstyssie

Now that you are Legal.

Few years ago, I was saddled with the responsibility of deciding the word that would be inscribed on my 18th year old birthday cake and a friend suggested the word “Legal.” The word resonated with me deeply because of its significance. In my part of the world, according to Nigerian constitution 18 is the age at which a person may legally engage in a certain activity. This is the age of majority (also known as the “age of maturity”), the threshold of adulthood as recognized in law. It is the age of criminal responsibility which means you are solely responsible for your decisions. I thought of what this new phase would hold for me and how whatever decisions I choose to make would influence the direction of my life. And as always the Bible has something to say about being “Legal.”

“All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any. Foods for the stomach and the stomach for foods, but God will destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.”

I Corinthians 6:12‭-‬13 NKJV

This verse of the Bible made me to understand that although at this age, certain things that at previous times weren’t legal for me are now legal, but this doesn’t make them helpful.

Legal is not always the same as helpful.

Which means I have to be able to differentiate between the things that are helpful and those that are harmful, and this calls for wisdom.

“My son, pay attention to my words and be willing to learn; Open your ears to my sayings. Do not let them escape from your sight; Keep them in the center of your heart. For they are life to those who find them, And healing and health to all their flesh. Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life. Put away from you a deceitful (lying, misleading) mouth, And put devious lips far from you. Let your eyes look directly ahead [toward the path of moral courage] And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you [toward the path of integrity]. Consider well and watch carefully the path of your feet, And all your ways will be steadfast and sure. Do not turn away to the right nor to the left [where evil may lurk]; Turn your foot from [the path of] evil.”

PROVERBS 4:20‭-‬27 AMP

In case, you didn’t take your time to read the above scripture you will do well to read it again and think about it’s meaning.
Every decision you have to make in life will require that you are wise. And the fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom (Prov 9:10a). The word of God hid in your heart will help you to fear Him and make wise decisions daily. This is why it is important that you spend time with God in His word and in prayer. When you do this your life will bear the rare and beautiful marks of wisdom.

Let’s consider the steps of wisdom.
1. Pause: When it comes to making decisions, try to keep a clear eye on the potential consequences- good or bad, favourable or detrimental- of the choices you must (or might be tempted to) make. This will help you to distance yourself from the emotions involved in the decisions you must make. It will also help you to check your heart. Learn to wait and don’t rush into things.

2. Pray: The first step which is to pause will help you to buy time for prayer. Time in prayer will help you to gain wisdom from God(James 1:5), to wait on the Lord (Isaiah 40:31) and to make peace with what God’s good, acceptable and perfect will is concerning your situation(Phil 4:6-7).

3. Search the scriptures: Often times God leads us through His word. Expect Him to bring specific scriptures to your heart as you acknowledge Him to direct your path (Prov 3:5-6).

4. Ask for wise counsel: No matter what your age is, It’s important that you have an accountability partner. Preferably someone that is older, wiser and godly. Remember, where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counsel there is safety (Prov 11:14).

5. Make a decision: when you’ve gotten a go ahead in your spirit, move ahead in faith. Don’t let the fear of making the wrong decision keep you from doing the things you know God wants you to do.

Lastly, keep in mind the words of Apostle Paul to young Timothy:

Let no one look down on [you because of] your youth, but be an example and set a pattern for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in [moral] purity.


Let’s chat:
-At what age did you start seeing yourself as an adult?
-What is your decision making process?

What to Do when all You can Think About is… Boys, Boys, and More Boys?

I had my first crush at age 13. I was in Junior Secondary School 3 and He was the most kind Senior Secondary School student I ever met. I never dated him but my crush on him lasted till my first year in the University (I’ll leave you to calculate how many years that is 😉). My crush on him was never something that distracted me from my school work even though it was mutual. It wasn’t a source of distraction because I had an older woman in my life that kept me accountable to making the right choices. And I’m glad I set my priorities right. The truth is looking back at it now in my twenties, I know that the boy isn’t someone I can consider being in a relationship with. I know that because I now know the character traits I desire in a life partner which at thirteen I’m not sure I considered. As you grow in years you get more mature and you develop a better sense of judgement.
It’s normal for you to like a member of the opposite sex but it is what you do with that feeling that matters.

Remember, ECCLESIASTES 3:1 AMP says “There is a season (a time appointed) for everything and a time for every delight and event or purpose under heaven.” You doing the right thing at the wrong time is the same as doing the wrong thing. The truth is Boys shouldn’t be your priority at this stage of your life. Boys are cool to have as friends during your teenage years but nothing more than that. Most of these boys are still trying to figure themselves out and so are you. You pursuing a relationship as a teenager will not only waste your time but will also keep you from living a life of focus. I’m glad I spent my teen years the way I did by not allowing the distractions that comes with being in a relationship as a teenager. I can tell you that I am better for it. By the grace of God, I was able to achieve a lot during my teen years because I was intentional about the things I did and didn’t do. I knew what I wanted out of life and I went for it. Below are some of the things you can do to stop focusing on Boys:

1. Guard your heart

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
Proverbs 4:23 NLT”

Your thoughts shape your life. Be careful what you think about. Avoid reading books or watching movies that would make you dwell on romance.

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”
Philippians 4:8 NLT

2. Get a life

Determine to live a life of purpose. List out your priorities and give them your best. I’m assuming your priorities should be something like:

a. God
b. Family
c. Your academics
d. Your job (if you have one)
e. Your friends
f. Any other co-curricular activities you are involved in.
With these you should have a life that is full, fun and rich.

Free hours,
Not wasted by me,
using my free time,
To serve only Thee.
Realizing how temporary free time will be
Never to regret a missed opportunity,
For others to be blest,
Through yielded me.

3. Choose your friends wisely

Surround yourself with friends that are purpose-driven and friends that have the same values as you. They should be friends that will spur you on to greatness and encourage you to prepare today for the future you dream about. They should be friends whose heart is so full of God’s word that their conversation isn’t all about boys. Books like I kissed dating goodbye by Joshua Harris, Hi!, can we be friends by Tekena Ikoko and Waiting and dating by Myles Munroe will help you navigate being friends with boys.

4. Dream Big

Set goals for yourself and work towards them. What are the things you want to achieve before your 21st birthday? What must you do to achieve those things? What do you want to be known for? Dream! Plan! Do!

5. Develop practical life tips and work on your gifts

Your teen years is the best time to learn about home management, money management and time management. Having these skills will help you to be better prepared for when you will be away from home and doing life on your own. This is also the time to discover the things you are naturally good at and work towards being the best at them.

6. Go all out for Jesus

Living for and serving Jesus is the best way you can ever spend your teen years. “The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows].” JOHN 10:10 AMP
Real life can only be found in Jesus. Choose this day to love and serve Him with all that you are and have. Choose to develop your relationship with God.

Don’t let the excitement of youth cause you to forget your Creator. Honor him in your youth before you grow old and say, “Life is not pleasant anymore.” Ecclesiastes 12:1 NLT

Whatever you choose to use your teen years to do will tell on your future. Choose wisely. Choose God’s way. I love you but not as much as Christ does!

* What do you do to keep romance off your mind?
* What have you learned from having both male and female friends?
Let’s chat!

Are you finding it hard to rest?

If there is any lesson I learned from the busy seasons of my life it would be that “Rest would not always come to me in a familiar way. And often times it seems impossible for me to create time for it.But I have learned to pursue it and also to rest from the inside out.”

As physical rest is to your physical health so also is your time with God to your spiritual health. You can only experience real rest when you prioritize your time with God.

“For the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel has said this, “In returning (to Me) and rest you shall be saved in quietness and confident trust is your strength.” But you were not willing_ Ish 30:15 (AMP)

I have noticed with me that when my life gets busy the first thing that suffers is my time with God and it shouldn’t be. You and I can only do all we have to do daily by depending on God.

“These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.”

Matthew 6:32‭-‬33 NLT

You show that you depend on Him by giving Him the best portion of your day. And He in turn blesses the portion you have left. You have to make an habit of spending time with God daily. You can achieve this by doing the following:

1. Pick the time and place: A lot of people prefer to have their quiet time in the morning because it sets the right course for their day. But there is no rule that says you must have it in the morning. If you are not a morning person just pick a time that is suitable for your lifestyle. The only “wrong” time for having your time with God would be “no” time.

After you’ve successfully picked a time, it is important that you pick a place. Remember,you are trying to make an habit out of this. Having a specific place where you meet with God helps you to be consistent. This place can change from time to time depending on your mood. For now, my bed is my spot but there are days I make use of the table and chair in my room so I wouldn’t fall asleep. So pick a spot that would work best for you. It should be a place where you would have privacy.

2. Gather all your gears and get rid of distractions: For me an easy to read version of the Bible, my Bible concordance, a cute journal, pens, highlighters, sticky notes and a devotional book are my must have for my quiet time. So, decide what you will need and see that it’s in your spot. Gathering all your gears in a spot will help you to concentrate better since you wouldn’t have the excuse to stand up until you are done.
It’s important that you put your phone on airplane mode if you must have it with you so you wouldn’t be distracted by it.

3. Avoid rushing through your devotion: I know because you feel you do not have enough time, there is every tendency for you to want to rush through your devotion. Rushing through it is a bad idea because it will leave you feeling anxious. So take your time and Linger! It is in your time with God that you exchange your weariness for His strength, your weakness for His power, your burdens for His freedom and your frustration for His peace. So dear friend, learn to linger in His presence.

“As a camel kneels before his master to have him remove his burden so kneel and let the Master take your burden.” _ Corrie ten Boom.

“The Proverbs 31 woman achieved the ideal balance of ‘a soul at rest’ and ‘a body in motion.’ Her soul is at rest in God.” _ Donna Partow (emphasis mine)

4. Keep little things with you that can help you remember God through out your day:
Use a scripture verse as your phone or laptop screen saver. This helps you to memorize scriptures and also think about the truth it offers as you go through your day.
You can also have a playlist of worship songs that you can listen to as you get other things done. It helps you to relax and have your mind fixed on the goodness of God.
Write your prayers on a sticky note or flash card and keep it inside your purse or planner. You can pull it out as you wait on a long queue. This reminds you to talk to God all through the day.
It is also good for you to have e-books of your favourite Christian authors on your phone. You can read any one of them in the Bus on your way to school or work. You can get more reading done by doing so. Plus it’s a good alternative for scrolling aimlessly through social media.

You see, it’s all about how you choose to use your time.

“Therefore see that you walk carefully [living life with honor, purpose, and courage; shunning those who tolerate and enable evil], not as the unwise, but as wise [sensible, intelligent, discerning people], making the very most of your time [on earth, recognizing and taking advantage of each opportunity and using it with wisdom and diligence], because the days are [filled with] evil.”


Choose to rest from the inside out!

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Matthew 11:28‭-‬30 MSG

Let’s chat,

Mention one person that keeps you accountable to spending regular time with God?

How to Beat the Morning Blues.

Do you ever have mornings when you find it hard to get out of bed not because you just wish to sleep in but because you are just having the blue?
Blues is the feelings of melancholy, sadness or depression. God doesn’t want us to remain in this state because it practically keeps our lives on hold. It also keeps us from living the abundant life God promised us. The devil will want you to remain in this state of despair but you need not allow him. You getting out of the blues will not happen by chance. It will require intentional effort on your part. Below are some of the things you can do to get out of the blues:

1. Identify the trigger(s).

The truth is something lead you to this point and your freedom will begin when you know what? Check your heart. How are you feeling? Are you angry, afraid, sad, overwhelmed, disappointed or lonely? Ask yourself what you can do to change the way you feel. Are there negative thoughts you have to replace with positive ones? What are the things you’ve come to believe about your life and current situation? Are they true or lies the enemy is whispering into your ears? Do you need sleep or rest because you’ve given of yourself physically without tending well to your physical needs? Is there a relationship you have to step away from because it is becoming harmful and emotionally draining for you? Do you have to intentionally choose Joy and practice gratefulness?

Try to figure out why you feel the way you do. This may require you to journal your thoughts so you will be able to pin point the main issue and bring it to the open. If you are unable to figure it out on your own you may need to speak to your mentor, pastor, counselor or an older godly friend. Sometimes it takes other people to help us see through our issues. You may need someone to listen to you and walk through the issue with you. You being asked the right question(s) by this person may be the last piece of the puzzle that will give meaning to the issue. Please don’t be afraid of being vulnerable with the godly people in your life; the people that genuinely love you. Speak up if you need help so you don’t suffer in silence!

2. Get the word of God into you through any means possible.

If I tell you that you will feel like reading your Bible on a day like this, I lie. But you can do whatever it takes for you to get the truth into your heart, soul, and spirit. The enemy will not want you to do that because he knows that the truth will set you free and he doesn’t want you to be free. So, be wiser than him. Play an audio Bible, devotional or listen to a sermon most especially, in areas where you need help.
Music helps a lot too. You can create a playlist of songs you can put on repeat.

Songs like “Remember by Lauren Diagle, rescue by Lauren Diagle, On my side by Kim walker Smith, Defender by Jesus Culture, Still by Amanda Lindsey Cook, Prophesy by Bryan Katie Torwalt and you can just rest by Jenn Johnson” are some of my favorite songs for days like this.

It might be hard for you to see the truth but the lyrics of these songs helps you to do that.

3. Plan your day a night before and hope for the best.

I’ve come to discover from experience that having a plan for the way you want to spend your day will often help you to get out of bed in the morning. So, prayerfully make a plan for the things you want to do and the time you want to get them done. As you do this have it in mind that

“A man’s mind plans his way [as he journeys through life], But the Lord directs his steps and establishes them PROVERBS 16:9 AMP”

So, put your expectation in God. I love the way some passages of the Bible explains the importance of putting our hope in God. Scriptures like

Psalm 27:13 NKJV: “I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living” and “Yet hope returns when I remember this one thing: The Lord’s unfailing love and mercy still continue, Fresh as the morning, as sure as the sunrise (Lamentations 3:21‭-‬23 GNT.)”

4. Surrender your day into God’s hands.

Don’t let worry about the things you have no control over to steal away your peace and joy.

Philippians 4:6-7 says “we should be anxious for nothing but make our request known to God and we will have His peace in place of our anxious thoughts (Paraphrase).” Matthew 11:28-30 also teaches us to come to Him with our burdens and weariness and watch Him revive us and give rest to our soul (Paraphrase).

One scripture that has been helping me of recent to cast my cares on the Lord is Psalm 37:7a which says “Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him.” A couple of other scriptures also falls in this same category for me. Scriptures like

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life (Psalm 143:8 NIV)” and “Praise the Lord, who carries our burdens day after day; he is the God who saves us (Psalm 68:19 GNT).”

They have become one of my prayers at the start of my day. Memorizing some of these scriptures will also help you a great deal. You want to have the truth of God’s word stored up in your heart for days when the enemy comes with his lies.

5. Carpe diem(sieze the day).

Learn to see each day as a gift from God and an opportunity to live the life you’ve always dreamed of. Let go of yesterday’s unmet expectations and mistakes and trust God for a better today. Whatever it will cost you keep putting one foot in front of the other. You may not see the result of your hard work and faithfulness now but it will surely speak if you do not give up. Maximize every opportunity God gives you and do the things that will move you closer to achieving your goals.

Be careful to include things that you love doing into your day. You should also include rest, and breaks (no matter how short) in your plan for the day. This will keep you from getting overwhelmed by your duties.

Rest will be different for each individual. For me my personality requires that I take a reasonable amount of time to be by myself. This is because alone time recharges me while too much of time spent in the company of others drains me. Rest for me may look like taking a nap, reading a good book, penning my thoughts or prayers, listening to good mood lifting gospel music, etc. Do whatever works best for you, just make sure you build rest into your day.

I leave you with this final thought,

“The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows]. JOHN 10:10 AMP”

Whatever it will cost you, make sure you fight for your life! I love you but not as much as Christ does!

Have you ever experienced a case of the morning blues or the blues in general? If yes, how did you manage to come out of it? I would love to hear from you!

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