I am an advocate of sexual purity which means I believe in saving sex for marriage. I stand for sexual purity because I know that my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and I am not my own (1 Cor 6:16-20).
We live in a world where sex outside the confines of marriage is now the norm and where people consider those that stand for sexual purity as the odd one. The media pushes sexually explicit materials day and night and a lot of people are being desensitized. A lot of people sadly, including some Christian girls no longer see reasons why they should save sex for marriage. And those that have made the decision to save sex for marriage find themselves struggling with sexual sins like pornography and masturbation. So, you may ask is there a way out?
As a girl who has made the decision to follow Jesus, you have to come to terms with God’s design for sex. Sex is not evil because it was made by God to be enjoyed in marriage. This means if you decide to do things God’s way, you would be blessed by him. The enemy always does everything in his power to destroy the things God designs and that is why he pushes the message of sexual immorality to you every now and then.
You must understand that you are in a fight between choosing God’s best for you (which resultant effect is life) and choosing the devil’s best for you (which resultant effect is death). This battle just like every other battle against the flesh cannot be won without a strategy. Below are strategies you can implement to help you walk in sexual purity:
1. Recognize that sexual purity is God’s will for you
“God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor— not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways.” _1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 NLT
Knowing that sexual purity is God’s will for you will help strengthen your resolve to ensure that you do his will. It will also give you a reason why you should stand for sexual purity.
2. Feed your spirit man more than you feed your flesh
“Don’t be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he’ll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God’s Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.” _Galatians 6:7-8 MSG
There is a saying garbage in garbage out. You get from your Spirit man whatever you feed it with. If you feed more on God’s word and godly content on social media than you do on the junk the world offers, the fruit produced by your life will show for it. This is why it key for you to devote yourself to the study of God’s word and to prayer because it is from his presence you receive strength to overcome temptation.
Temptation will come your way because you are human but you will overcome it when your spirit man is strengthened more than your flesh. So the question is, how dedicated are you to feeding your spirit man?
“How can a young man stay pure? Only by living in the word of God and walking in its truth. “_Psalms 119:9 TPT
“What I say is this: let the Spirit direct your lives, and you will not satisfy the desires of the human nature.”_ Galatians 5:16 GNT
3. Stay away from sexually explicit materials
There was a season in my life when I had to stay away from movies (not because movies are bad in themselves) but because the movies I had access to at that time weren’t helping me think according to Philippians 4:8.
“In conclusion, my friends, fill your minds with those things that are good and that deserve praise: things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and honorable.” _Philippians 4:8 GNT
Staying away from movies was a very intentional decision I had to make if I was going to think godly thoughts. Sexual immorality does not start in a day. It starts from the things you expose yourself to and the thoughts you allow yourself to ponder on.
“You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. _Matthew 5:27-28 NLT
In Matthew 5:27-28, the Lord Jesus Christ pointed out the fact that if you as much as allow a lustful thought in your heart you are as guilty of the sin of adultery as someone who did the physical act. This points out the fact that your thought is linked to your action. And that is why you must guard your heart and ensure that your thoughts are pure.
“Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.” _James 1:14-15 NLT
Your eyes and ears are gates to your heart and from your heart springs forth your thoughts, the more reason why you have to ensure that the books you read, the music you listen to and the movies you see are not promoting things that are contrary to God’s will for you.
Make whatever decision you have to make to ensure that you only feed on godly content. Replace your romance novels with Christian novels. My all time favorites are the ones written by Francine Rivers, Karen Kingsbury and Lori Wick. There is always a godly substitute for the materials you feed on if you are willing to make the change.
Remember, that you become a slave to whatever you give yourself to; either to God or to the devil. The choice is yours.
“Don’t you realize that grace frees you to choose your own master? But choose carefully, for you surrender yourself to become a servant—bound to the one you choose to obey. If you choose to love sin, it will become your master, and it will own you and reward you with death. But if you choose to love and obey God, he will lead you into perfect righteousness.” _Romans 6:16 TPT
4. Set boundaries for yourself
Are you a wall (a woman with godly standards) or a door (a woman without standards) (SOS 8:8-10)? What guides your clothing choice, your choice of friends, the way you comport yourself, the way you relate and engage in conversation with the opposite sex, your choice of words, the kind of physical touch you receive or reject from members of the opposite sex, the kind of friends you keep etc.
All these are important if you will walk in sexual purity. Is your choice of clothing modest ( that is not too short, not too tight and not too revealing) as 1 Timothy 2:9 says? Are your words seasoned with salt and grace and hope you do not have a flattering lips like the woman in Proverbs 7? Do you have standards for where you should go and where you shouldn’t go, and for how late you should stay out? Are your friends Daughters of Zion or strange women that would encourage your downfall (Gen 34:1)?
I will encourage you not to take chances. Set boundaries for yourself because within boundaries there is safety. If you need help setting boundaries for yourself you can ask any godly older woman in your life to help you put some in place and when she does, please follow through with them. You will also find my article on Lady Wisdom and Madame Whore helpful.
“Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.” _1 Timothy 4:12 NLT
5. Have a godly woman you are accountable to
Do not walk the road of sexual purity alone. Have a godly woman in your life who can checkup on you from time to time and who can ask you intentional question about that aspect of your life. She must be a woman you trust and you are free to have honest conversations with. This woman can be your mum if you have an open relationship with your mum or a trusted godly woman from Church or your mentor if your mentor is a female and one who lives by God’s precept.
Dear friend, I pray that you will be strengthened to flee sexual immorality and present your body to God as a living sacrifice. I pray that every bondage of sin in your life is broken. I pray that you are empowered to walk in the Spirit daily and you do not satisfy the desires of the flesh. I pray for a separation between you and every ungodly friend and I pray that the gate of your life is opened to godly people who will spur you on in obedient walk with God. I pray that God cleanse your heart and your conscience with the blood of his Son and grant you the grace to walk in the freedom by which he has made you free. In Jesus name. Amen.
• What are your views about sex outside the confines of marriage?
• What boundaries have you put in place to help you walk in sexual purity?
I would love to hear from you.