Sitting inside the uncompleted class of the school I was posted to for “observation”( an exercise for teachers in training students in my school) I wondered why humans always form cliques. There is at least five cliques in this class now as I write. Some are discussing religious issues, some, girls stuff, while some guys are simply engrossed in the game they are playing. It suddenly dawns on me that life is meant to be shared and not to be lived alone.
We were created to do life together and those we do life with matter in the things we do in life. Even though there are at least five cliques in this class, there are still people that are in a corner on their own reading a book or listening to music or let me say “living in their own world.” Some people find it difficult to relate to people around them( based on different reasons though) while some people make friends at the snap of a finger. It doesn’t matter if you are not good at making friends , what matters is that you are willing to share your love, time,money and gifts with others and you are willing to take that risk now because indeed living life with others is a risk but it is a risk worth taking. It is a risk that makes life beautiful.
Have you ever wondered why we were given birth into a family as opposed to just dropping on the earth and discovering who we are on our own? One of the reasons is that God knows that we will need the love, security, attention and many more things that we can get from a family. God knows that we will always be better doing life together.
I am writing this to help girls see the advantage of having a female friend and to know that they can form a very healthy support system with the other girls in their lives. A female friend might have hurt you in time past but I want you to know that there is at least one girl out there that God has placed around you to help you and her get into the next phase of your lives. Will you not give her a chance into your life?
Stasi Eldredg said “To have a female friend is to relax into another soul and be welcomed in all that you are and all that you are not. When God gives a friend, he is entrusting us with the care of another’s heart. It is a chance to mother and to sister, to be a life giver, to help someone else become the woman she was created to be, to walk alongside her and call her deep heart forth.” So your friendships shouldn’t be taken likely. Below are the things I know will help you to be a better friend to your female friend:
1. Forgive easily: You wouldn’t have a friend that is perfect because you yourself aren’t perfect that is why forgiveness is key for you to grow in your friendship. You have to offer her mercy every now and then. Know the things to overlook and the things to take serious. And when dealing with issues, do it with wisdom and be sensitive to her feelings. Godly friendship is worth fighting for and praying for. Don’t allow the devil to use unforgiveness to destroy your friendship. Don’t give him a foothold. “Resentment and anger eat away at love as quickly as rust corrodes metal. One of lifes great tragedies is watching a relationship unravel over something that could’ve been resolved in one intelligent, adult conversation.”- Francine Rivers.
2.Love on her: Don’t behave as if she doesn’t mean anything to you; in doing so you might lose her. Express how much you love her; it isn’t enough for you to know it in your heart, you need to express it because she can’t see your heart. Call her, don’t wait for her to call you first. Make out time to listen to her. When you really actively listen, you discover how to pray for and support her. Listening unites hearts more than talking does. It is when you listen to her that you get to know things you never knew about her. You learn about her hopes, dreams, passion and fear. Buy her presents; it doesn’t have to be expensive just let it be thoughtful. You can make her a “why my friend is so awesome list” and leave it in her pursue to find in the middle of the day. Go out with her. Learn to say “thank you” for the things she does for you. Celebrate her uniqueness. Let her know that you love her for her and stop comparing her with yourself or with other girls. Friendship is an investment LOVE ON HER.
3.Don’t betray her trust:Trust is earned and it develops with time as friendship does. You might not be able to build it again when destroyed so be careful. Trust her as much as she trust you. Anything she tells you should remain with you except she gives you the permission to do otherwise. Don’t gossip about her, it’ll backfire. I look forward to seeing a generation of girls that can spend time together without gossiping. Every girl should be able to keep a secret.
4. Understand that friendships are for different seasons and time: sometimes life happens and people make their choices and stop being who they were in our lives(either intentionally or unintentionally) so it takes wisdom to be able to identify when to move on. It might be painful but if you’ve done every reasonable thing you can to keep your friendship with the person and it isn’t working you have to move on. Friendship shouldn’t be forced. It should come easily as love does. It is a two sided thing, the two parties should be actively involved in making their friendship grow deeper, stronger, longer and better. It is a beautiful thing to have a person as your friend for years but if it doesn’t happen be grateful for the time you had with the person and MOVE ON.
5.Know who a friend is to you and associate yourself with safe people: Knowing who a friend is to you helps you not to expect too much from the person. Safe people are people that have a “growing” relationship with Jesus and are pursuing his plans for their lives, they are secure in who they are and you being your best isn’t a threat to them while unsafe people are defensive and receive advice as criticism. They aren’t integrity-inclined, they have a hard time admitting when they are struggling with something or going through a tough time and they are jealous of other friendships you are investing in. There are three zones of friends:
Zone 1– contains your closest friends. They display a genuine love for Jesus, inspire and challenge you to grow in your faith, give you a balance advice, hold you accountable when needed, have earned your trust over time, are a real friend to your future and have fun doing life with you.
Zone 2- contains friends you hang out with. They have similar values as you, demonstrate qualities that are trustworthy, make reasonable decisions, easy to get along with and are considerate of others.
Zone 3– are your acquaintances. They spend time with you every now and again, they are fun to be around and they have similar interests as you.
6. Make new friends: Don’t be scared to step out of your comfort zone. Each friend you have adds a new, vibrant hue that colours your life experience! Your world gets brighter and larger everytime you step out of your comfort zone and invest in friendships with people who are different than you are.
Make friends with people with different personalities. It makes your friend circle to be more fun.
Have friends of different ages. You will gain a great deal of wisdom by hanging around an older woman who has a genuine faith in Jesus. She has weathered a few stones and you need to hear how she did it! Make sure to connect with women who can encourage you and help you as you navigate different seasons of your life. No matter what your age is, you are an OLDER woman. Right now, someone who is a few years younger than you are could use your advice and support. Make sure to reach out and encourage the younger women in your world. You can be the friend you wish you had when you were her age. SHE NEEDS YOU.
Have friends from different cultures. You would be exposed to more cultures, traditions and ways of doing life than you ever thought possible! When you embrace friends with different last names, languages, skin tones and traditions, we show the world that through Jesus it is possible to love one another without prejudice.
Make friends with people with different interests. Your world becomes larger when you open yourself to the differing interests your friends have, you discover you become smarter because of them.
Remember that a man who wants a friend must first show himself friendly and there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother- He is Jesus Christ. He really wants to be your friend. He is the coolest friend you can ever have. Accept him today. Till I write to you on “the K.I.T Series- your financial life” keep doing life together with others. I love you but not as much as Christ does!