My mum is 50 years old now and I can tell you that spending 18 years out of the 50 with her haven’t been easy. We’ve had our ups and downs. There had been times I wished she wasn’t my mum. There are words she had said to me that had hurt me terribly and I believe that goes for me, to her also. But even in all these things I’ve come to realize that she did all in love.
Her nagging attitude has it’s own ‘benefit’. I’ve longed to be my mum’s best friend; someone I can tell anything even the so called private things, someone that I can trust to be my support system without criticizing me. I’ve not gotten there yet but I’m willing to build a friendship with her. I believe every girl’s best friend should be her mum. She should be confident to tell her anything and not feel like it will be used against her. We have a lot of good things we can learn from our mums because they’ve been where we are now and where we will be. Friends will come and go but we are stuck with our mums at least till they die so the earlier we start loving them and building a love relationship with them the better.
So let’s get started!
1. Understand your mum’s temperament (personality):temperament can be defined as the emotional part of someone’s character, especially how likely they are to be happy, angry etc. Understanding your mum’s personality will help you relate with her better and you will have less reason to get into a fight with her. It will also help you to know what she likes and what she doesn’t like. Her temperament affects how she behaves. So when you know why she behaves the way she does you will be able to sympathize with her. We have four types of temperament. I will advice you read the book titled, “why you act the way you do”- Tim Lahaye to have a better understanding of your temperament and your mum’s.
2. Understand your mum’s love language: Love language simply means the way in which a person wants or will appreciate love to be expressed to him or her. According to Gary D. Chapman there are five love language. The success of your relationship with anyone depends on whether you are able to express love in the way it will be appreciated by that person. The love languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.
Consider each of the love languages and pick the one you think is your mum’s love language. You can directly ask her what her love language is if you aren’t sure what it is. You can also experiment with each and everyone of them and see which one she responds to positively the most. You can also notice how she expresses love to you. Most people express love to others the way they want it to be expressed to them. When you discover what her love language is, make sure you use it very often in expressing love to her and your relationship with her will be better for it.
3. Never talk back at her: I know it might be hard because most times when we get into a fight, argument or heated discussion with our mums we just want to express our mind or say something to defend ourselves but please learn not to do so. It doesn’t yield the result we want to see it just makes it worse. Just do everything you can at that moment to keep yourself from talking back at her then later when she has clamed down you can now go and pour out your mind to her but do it with wisdom.
4. Talk well of her: Don’t go about telling your friends or people how bad or wicked your mum is because even when you’ve come to terms with her, the people you’ve talked bad about her to will only see her in that negative light ( even if she has changed) and will not respect her any longer. I know of a lady who talked bad about her parents to her spouse and today her spouse doesn’t respect her parents because she has given him a reason not ot. Make the right choice to preserve your mum’s reputation and you won’t regret it.
5. Obey her immediately: I know it might be difficult for you to drop what you are doing to respond to her one thousand and more calls but please do. Don’t obey her at your own convenient time but IMMEDIATELY. It will reduce the rate at which she complains about you. Even the Bible says you should obey your parents that you may live long in the earth (Ephesians 6:1-3) so even if you don’t want to obey her, obey so that you can live long.
6.Love her and Pray for her: The best thing you can do to yield the result you want to see in your relationship with your mum is to love her even as you pray for her. I was bitter against my mum for years until I learned to start praying for her. When you pray for her you release any hurt you’ve had in your relationship with her and you give God the chance to heal you emotionally, help you love her, show mercy unto her and restore your relationship with her. I’ve once read in a Francine Rivers book that “Prayer gives your love wings” so if you’ve tried everything you know to make your relationship with your mum better but you aren’t getting the result you want, try prayer and love.
Love never fails!