UNFAILING LOVE

I may not be sure of a lot of things but I’m sure of your love.
when things fade away
Your love will still remain
when I sway
Your love makes me stay.

When it seems like everything is closing up on me
Your love becomes my shield.
When I’m choked by the issues of life
Your love provides the water of life.

When I’m going through my darkest days
Your love brightens my heart.
When I’m tired of treading the narrow path your love keeps me going; giving me clarity of mind.
When I’m tired of life
Your love helps me to look back that I may be able to move forward.

Your love is the best thing I’ve ever known
And I won’t dare trade it for the unknown
Loving on you is something I will forever do
For you  first loved on me.
I’m grateful for your love JESUS

The Kit Series.

I know that by now you will be trying to figure out what K.I.T. means. Let me save you the stress. K.I.T. is an acronym for “Keeping It Together.” In this series, I will be writing about how you can live a balanced life. How you can keep your physical life (appearance and health), your spiritual life, your academics, your financial life and your social life together. I’m tired of seeing girls live an unbalanced life. I’m tired of seeing girls with pretty faces on empty heads or girls that are academically sound without knowing any other thing apart from their books and that is why I’m writing on K.I.T. I believe you will learn a lot from this series that is why I want you to please follow this series and tell your girlfriends about it.

K.I.T-your physical life(appearance):
Have you ever felt like being a girl is stressful most especially when you think about dressing or something that affects your appearance like combining colours together. Your appearance really matters because that is what everybody sees at first before getting to really meet the real you. That is why you don’t want to get it wrong even as at that you don’t need to fret. I’m here to help you. Here are tips that will help you have  a good lasting impression on everybody you meet.

1. Clean up: I remember one of my female family friends once told me when I was thirteen that girls clean up. Little things makes a lot of difference. Learn to follow rules of personal hygiene e.g:
*Take your bath everyday.
*Brush your teeth twice daily.
*Trim your nails or file them.
*Shave the hair of your public area e.g armpit.
*Wash your cloths and under ware after wearing them.
*Don’t wear wrinkled clothes. Apart from the fact that when you iron your cloth it makes you look more tidy, it increases the durability of your cloth.
*Use deodorant and perfumes. It helps you smell nice most especially after perspiring.
*Wash your hair regularly.
*Don’t keep a particular style of hair for too long. When you notice that your hair is getting rough lose it, wash it and make another one.
* Make styles that fit your face shape. If you aren’t sure ask a trusted hair dresser.These things might seem minute or not important but they go along way to improve your appearance and boost your self confidence.

2. Define your style: Your personality influences your kind of style. Wear only things that will best represent you. Don’t wear a cloth because it is in vogue wear it because It represents who you are and you are comfortable in it.  Wear something that brings out your true self. You are the best of your kind. Don’t let people decide what the best version of you looks like. You define You.

3. Figure out your body type: Your body type is a cumulative product of your skeletal structure and the quantity and distribution of muscle and fat in your body. Women have four main body types. They are:
a. Apple body type:The weight of this body type accumulates above the hips, which are narrow. The back, ribs and shoulders are broad and if this is your body type you may feel wider than other body types. Your best body feature is your legs.
b. Rectangular body type: the waist measurement is less than nine inches smaller than hips and bust measurement.  Body fat is distributed predominantly in the abdomen, buttocks,chest and face. This overall fat distribution creates the typical ruler (straight) shape. The best body feature of this body type is the slender legs and arms.
c. Pear body type: The lower body is wider than the upper body. The best feature of this body type is the shoulders and flat stomach.
d. Hour glass body type: The shoulders and hips are similar in proportion and set off by a tiny waist. The best feature of this body type is the curves.
Identifying your body type will help you to know what will work for you and what won’t.

4.Figure out what works best for your body type:
a.  Apple body type:
* Go for a V-neck top to create the illusion of a longer torso.
* Wear dresses with an A-line or empire hem. It helps you to create a waist line.
*Do wear belts at the smallest part of your waist. Avoid belts and dresses that pinch at the waist.
*Do conceal tummy bulge by wearing empire tops and dresses.
*Do wear a bra that offers good lift and support.

b. Rectangular body type:
* Wear long jackets to create a lean look.
* Wear tops with collars,ruffles and details to flatter your chest.
* Have fun with colourful skirts and pants feel free to experiment.
* Wear a good bra that will make the most of what you have.

c. Pear body type:
* Try a-line skirts that camouflage wider hips.
* keep hems of skirts and dresses wide to balance the hips.
* Experiment with light- coloured tops and dark-coloured bottoms contrast.
* Look for boat neck tops, square and cowl necklines.
* Try styles with ruffles on top.
* Wear jackets that yhits right above the waist.
* Do go for pointy-toed shoes to elongate your legs.

d. Hour glass body type:
* Wear wrap dresses or A-line cut dresses.
* Wear well fitted dresses.
* Go for high- waisted skirts to show off your hips.
* Do pick thin, light waisted styles and fabrics.
* wear dresses that have a fitted top and hug your waist to avoid adding bulk.
* Wear V-necks or sweetheart necklines to slim down the bust.
* Accessorize with belts so that the naturally smaller waist is showcased.

5. Wear colours that complement your skin tone. Also learn about colours so you can know what colour will match with what colour.

6. Accessorize with watches, sunglasses, ties, necklaces etc but don’t over do it.  Remember less is much.

7. Dress for the occasion.  Wear only cloth that are appropriate for where you are going to.

8. Don’t neglect your shoes too.  They can either make or mar your dressing.

9.  Ensure that you have a good standing, sitting and walking posture. It makes you look more attractive. When sitting cross your legs at the knee not at the ankle.

10. Have a good charisma. Carry yourself like the princess you are. See the world as your run-way and walk in it with your head up.

11. Use positive body language when interacting with people e.g make eye contact, smile, etc but don’t over do it.

12. When speaking to people learn to speak audibly enough for everyone to hear what you are saying but avoid shouting. Believe that people need to hear what you have to say.

13. Have a good self-confidence. Know who you are and keep being you. People will be more attracted to you if you are comfortable in your own skin.
There you have it, thirteen tips that will help you improve your appearance. The next time I will be writing to you, I will be writing on K.I.T. -your physical life (health).

Until then, continue to keep your life together.

I love you.

Reference: http://www.sheknows.com and wikihow.com

BECOMING YOUR MUM’S BEST FRIEND

My mum is 50 years old now and I can tell you that spending 18 years out of the 50 with her haven’t been easy. We’ve had our ups and downs. There had been times I wished she wasn’t my mum. There are words she had said to me that had hurt me terribly and I believe that goes for me, to her also. But even in all these things I’ve come to realize that she did all in love.
Her nagging attitude has it’s own ‘benefit’. I’ve longed to be my mum’s best friend; someone I can tell anything even the so called private things, someone that I can trust to be my support system without criticizing me. I’ve not gotten there yet but I’m willing to build a friendship with her. I believe every girl’s best friend should be her mum. She should be confident to tell her anything and not feel like it will be used against her. We have a lot of good things we can learn from our mums because they’ve been where we are now and where we will be. Friends will come and go but we are stuck with our mums at least till they die so the earlier we start loving them and building a love relationship with them the better.
So let’s get started!

1. Understand your mum’s temperament (personality):temperament can be defined as the emotional part of someone’s character, especially how likely they are to be happy, angry etc.  Understanding your mum’s personality will help you relate with her better and you will have less reason to get into a fight with her. It will also help you to know what she likes and what she doesn’t like. Her temperament affects how she behaves. So when you know why she behaves the way she does you will be able to sympathize with her. We have four types of temperament. I will advice you read the book titled, “why you act the way you do”- Tim Lahaye to have a better understanding of your temperament and your mum’s.

2. Understand your mum’s love language: Love language simply means the way in which a person wants or will appreciate love to be expressed to him or her. According to Gary D. Chapman there are five love language. The success of your relationship with anyone depends on whether you are able to express love in the way it will be appreciated by that person. The love languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.
Consider each of the love languages and pick the one you think is your mum’s love language. You can directly ask her what her love language is if you aren’t sure what it is. You can also experiment with each and everyone of them and see which one she responds to positively the most. You can also notice how she expresses love to you. Most people express love to others the way they want it to be expressed to them. When you discover what her love language is, make sure you use it very often in expressing love to her and your relationship with her will be better for it.

3. Never talk back at her:  I know it might be hard because most times when we get into a fight, argument or heated discussion with our mums we just want to express our mind or say something to defend ourselves but please learn not to do so. It doesn’t yield the result we want to see it just makes it worse. Just do everything you can at that moment to keep yourself from talking back at her then later when she has clamed down you can now go and pour out your mind to her but do it with wisdom.

4. Talk well of her: Don’t go about telling your friends or people how bad or wicked your mum is because even when you’ve come to terms with her, the people you’ve talked bad about her to will only see her in that negative light ( even if she has changed) and will not respect her any longer. I know of a lady who talked bad about her parents to her spouse and today her spouse doesn’t respect her parents because she has given him a reason not ot. Make the right choice to preserve your mum’s reputation and you won’t regret it.

5. Obey her immediately: I know it might be difficult for you to drop what you are doing to respond to her one thousand and more calls but please do. Don’t obey her at your own convenient time but IMMEDIATELY. It will reduce the rate at which she complains about you. Even the Bible says you should obey your parents that you may live long in the earth (Ephesians 6:1-3) so even if you don’t want to obey her, obey so that you can live long.

6.Love her and Pray for her: The best thing you can do to yield the result you want to see in your relationship with your mum is to love her even as you pray for her. I was bitter against my mum for years until I learned to start praying for her. When you pray for her you release any hurt you’ve had in your relationship with her and you give God the chance to heal you emotionally, help you love her, show mercy unto her and restore your relationship with her. I’ve once read in a Francine Rivers book that “Prayer gives your love wings” so if you’ve tried everything you know to make your relationship with your mum better but you aren’t getting the result you want, try prayer and love.
Love never fails!

SEXUAL HARASSMENT

Sexual harassment is not a word that is easy to define but it is a word whose meaning is yet simple even though people shy away from explaining what it really means. I will give four scenarios that will help you understand what it means.

Scenario 1:  A girl of about fifteen years old was on a bike going to school and during the ride with the bike man she noticed the bike man was moving back every now and then and encroaching on the space that should be between her and the bike man. And instead of her to tell the man politely that he was encroaching on her space, she didn’t say a word. All she did was to put her school bag between her and the bike man and she continued to push the man forward till she got down. when she eventually got down from the bike, the bike man said in Yoruba “se Iwo ro boya ogbon ni?” Meaning “so you think you are wise?” She paid her transport fare without asking the man what he meant by what he said. You could have thought she did the right thing by not confronting the man because he was older than her; he should be in his forties but she shouldn’t have just placed her bag between her and the man. She should have done more than that. She should have told the man firmly to stop encroaching on her space. What if she wasn’t with her bag what would she have done? The man was trying to take advantage of her age and tap current from her (I hope you understand what I mean?) Please, stay with me I’m going somewhere.
Scenario 2:  A girl co-biked with a guy she doesn’t know (which is a very great mistake. You should never co-bike with an opposite sex) but she wasn’t seated in the middle of the two guys, she sat at their back( she was wise in that aspect). During the ride she noticed a hand on her lap and the hand was not just on her lap, the hand was rubbing her lap. Immediately she noticed, she slapped the hand which was the hand of the guy seated at her front. The guy couldn’t say anything because he knew what he was doing was wrong and the girl got down from the bike happy that she defended herself and probably taught the guy a lesson never to try to take advantage of any other girl. I hope you are getting my point? Please, stay with me i’m still ‘biking’ somewhere.
Scenario 3:  A girl was alone in the shop where she was an apprentice early in the morning of a public holiday. Being a public holiday, the environment was quiet because people weren’t around. A married man who was a friend to her boss and who she has always greeted and respected in previous times came into the shop and sat beside her. At first she thought he came to pick something from their shop but when he started talking to her and place his hand on her lap she then noticed that has was there for another purpose ( please note that she wasn’t dressed in a provocative way). She sat well so his hand was no longer on her lap but she didn’t say anything to confront the man about his action. He then went ahead to pat her cheek. In her mind she was looking for a means of escape but the man was sitted on bench that was on her way. It was as if the alarm on her head went off. She couldn’t say or do anything. Finally her boss came to her rescue but didn’t realize what was happening. The girl was mad with herself because she didn’t stand up for herself and that has probably sent a wrong message to the man.

My question is can you imagine what could have happened to her if her boss didn’t come at the right time? She could have been  RAPED!

Scenario 4: Lastly, a girl was sitted beside the driver’s sit and she was struggling to open the door so she could get down from the vehicle. The man wanted to help her and he stretched his hand across her chest to help her open the door and in the process pressed her breast. You could think it was a mistake but I think if it was, he could have said sorry and not pretend as if nothing happened. If he had said sorry the girl would have felt dignified and not been taken advantage of. She should have told the man firmly to please remove his hand.
I hope you’ve gotten the meaning of sexual harassment from the scenarios I gave and that you’ve learned one lesson or the other from them? One thing I’ve come to learn about sexual harassment is that if it isn’t properly handled it can go out of hand and lead into something you didn’t plan for. I’ve also notice that most cases of rape didn’t just happen because the victim dressed in a provocative way but because prior to that time, the victim was harassed by the rapist and did nothing about it.
Sexual harassment can be as minute as someone making lewd remarks about any part of your body most especially about the sensitive part of your body. One of my goals for writing this is to see girls grow in a safe environment where they can be free to be themselves and not taken advantage of.

So I would say, to avoid been sexually harassed take note of the following:

1. Watch what you wear because the way you are dressed is the way you would be addressed.
2. Speak up and stand up for yourself when you are sexually harassed. Being a girl doesn’t mean you can’t stand up for yourself. Being submissive isn’t equal to not been able to stand up for yourself. Learn to say NO and mean it. Learn to look the harasser  in the eye when talking to him; this will make him know that you are not scared of him. It isn’t disrespectful, it is fighting for yourself.
3.  If you can take a self defense class please do. It will help you to be able to fight physically if the need arises to protect yourself against anyone who wants to harm you. Even the Bible says the children of the dark are wiser than the children of light. It is high time we wise up and do everything we can to protect ourselves from been harmed and let God do His. But please note that this is not an excuse for you to become violent. It is just a means of defending yourself when you feel that you are in danger.
4. Mentally prepare yourself for what you will do or say if you are sexually harassed. It will help you if you aren’t naturally the confronting type. It doesn’t mean that you are expecting anything evil to happen to you it just means that you are preparing yourself for how you will handle it if it happens so you won’t be caught unawares.
5. Above all, let God guide you and keep you. Follow the leading of his spirit that dwells within you as his child. God loves you and want you to live a safe life without fear in this crooked and perverse world.

I love you but not as much as God does!